Why didn’t anybody care?

Why didn’t anybody care? Am I really worthless?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013 11:08

0

(Before It's News)

Why didn’t anybody care? Am I really worthless? I mentioned above that some survivors as children were given over by their own parents to be raped – with participation, or cold indifference. If you were devalued so badly, my friend, it’s little wonder you question your worth. You should have been loved, cherished and protected, and you were not. But this doesn’t make you worthless. It is about everything from bad luck to criminal dereliction of what it means to be a parent. It was not about you – another child would have experienced exactly the same fate. I told about the oral rapes when I was very young; my mother simply said she didn’t want to hear about it. She was probably shocked, but that didn’t help me much – especially as she later said it was my fault. I learned that what happened to me didn’t matter, and that was indescribable.

How can rape on a child pass unnoticed? Please see “Myth 5: Children who are being abused will show physical evidence of abuse” in this article, from the Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence. The section is too large to quote here, but in short, abnormal genital or anal findings are not common, especially if a child is examined 48 hours after an assault. I only bled for a short time; it was not copious and I hid it. I developed a urinary tract infection after the first rape at 8, but was given antibiotics and conventional wisdoms on wiping my bottom front to back – so even if there are indicators, people may quite naturally look to other causes. Also, please remember how good abusers are at making sure they carry out the abuse so that it remains a secret.
Will I ever get over it? If by this you mean what people usually do – that your history of child rape will never hurt again after you take certain steps, the answer is maybe not. Many of us experience times after major healing work where fear or other angst around it can be triggered again. I have a friend whose focus has never been to get “over it”, but, wisely, to deal with symptoms causing her pain. I like this approach; it is proactive and yet fosters a self-acceptance that I believe is good for us.

These figures do not tell us about child rape on boys and for this reason among other possibilities, they understate the incidence of child rape. However, studies reveal that between 8% and 13% of men have experienced child sexual abuse (Douglas, E. and Finkelhor, D, Childhood Sexual Abuse Fact Sheet). Some of these men will undoubtedly have been subjected to rape.
Was it my fault that because I didn’t tell? No – no way, no how. Please read Katy’s article, Understanding Why You Didn’t “Tell”
Please also don’t listen to people who tell you that you should be over it by now. This is a cliché, nothing more. You lived through it, not them.
Why did this happen to me? Many of us feel tormented by that anguishing question, and the normal explanations about how some people are attracted to or exploit children, just don’t cut it. It’s like a deeper, spiritual questioning, and I don’t know that it has an answer. For me, it was freeing to let go of the need to know why.